looking through your messages and smiling foolishly to myself <3

yeap.
remind me won't you?

flying off this saturday :) i'm part excited, part scared. last time i flew overseas was to Russia and boy what good memories those were <3 i'm just hoping this trip will be just as fun! i know the shopping will be haah esp since i'm going with a bunch of shopaholic friends!! ^^ 

 

tomorrow, tomorrow, i love ya, tomorrow, you're only a day away~

"Love, Forgive Me"
Sierra DeMulder

after Rachel McKibbens

My sister told me a soul mate is not the person
who makes you the happiest but the one who
makes you feel the most, who conducts your heart

to bang the loudest, who can drag you giggling
with forgiveness from the cellar they locked you in.
It has always been you. You are the first

person I was afraid to sleep next to,
not because of the fear you would leave
in the night but because I didn’t want to wake up

ungracefully. In the morning, I crawled over
your lumbering chest to wash my face and pinch
my cheeks and lay myself out like a still-life

beside you. Your new girlfriend is pretty
like the cover of a cookbook. I have said her name
into the empty belly of my apartment. Forgive me.

When I feel myself falling out of love with you,
I turn the record of your laughter over, reposition
the needle. I dust the dirty living room of your affection.

I have imagined our children. Forgive me. I made up
the best parts of you. Forgive me. When you told me
to look for you on my wedding day, to pause

on the altar for the sound of your voice
before sinking myself into the pond of another
love, forgive me. I mistook it for a promise.

why why why why why whyyyyyyyy ><
honestly idk
bleh.

---

i entered the room,
this mass of people,  
heads bowed, eyes closed. in deep sorrow.
their hands clutching onto those long, thin sticks.
some monotonous chantings in the background.
i caught a flicker of movement
from the corner of my eye.
something falling to the ground.  
what seemed like tears - from those sticks.
even they were mourning the dead.

Funny how the best cure for insomnia is what caused it in the first place..

please, i'm begging you. 
let this be over really soon.

---

JC life has been one hellava mad rush. seriously.
pleasepleaseplease let everything go on fine. i don't want anymore headaches/ heartbreaks/ mistakes.

hello world i need my gong cha fix like now.
tyvm.

HELLO WORLD. and this is how i neglect my blog whenever i'm busy hahaha. have been mugging for promos for the longest time ever. super duper stressed idek how to express it. it was kinda embarrassing last tuesday when i just cried in front of my form teacher. that was after chem lesson. a whole load of crazy chem explanations : electrophile addition, radicle, bond pair, arrow here arrow there. too much for my already saturated brain for the day cos we had ~2hours of bio before on Evolution (read: the worst topic that's ever existed) and i was getting increasingly stressed about everything so after the lesson, mdm aked me how was i cos i looked very stressed. i guessed it hit a raw nerve cos i just started crying. (thankgod most of the class evacuated the classroom already haha at least some of my face is saved!!)  but yeah, 

PROMOS IS TWO DAYS!!!!! 
somebody save my puny brian from explosion. 

how i wish we could install some 100000TB thumbdrive in our brains! then we could just download the info we need during exams hohoho that would be totally awesome!!! ;D 


---


can't wait till after promos!! ive got so much things to do! including meeting up with my besties <3
realised thta i'm living my life by counting down the days i'm gonna meet my babes again =/ but i guess life in school is getting better :)

---  

i've no idea why i decided to post hahaha i just felt overwhelmed by everything. and writing/typing has this unexplained soothing effect on me :) 



"... you'll never truly understand a person until you wear his shoes and walk around in it"
-Harper Lee

 it's another of those times where i feel just so horribly overwhelmed by everything possible. work, school, friends. ESPECIALLY friends. it's so hard to feel the same level of acceptance as i felt in st nicks and i do try but sometimes things just go horrible for me. 

i'm a confused kid. anybody care to sort me out? =/

anyway i'm so proud of my class for having 5 councillors and the Council Pres. pro shitz mann!! :D

so school's officially starting tomorrow for me. 
nope terms didn't exactly count, since we could go home early anyway and there wasn't enough 'socializing time' for it the be counted a real school day. on a sidenote, i'm soo screwed for terms. i'm just praying i pass my stuff =/  hence i'm posting today just in case i get my resluts, get a heart attack/faint/die and never be able to post here again.

you'll know why.  hahaha :(

i kinda miss school. the people. my friends. just being away from home. those long sleep inducing bus rides. and.. just people. 
then again, school's starting. choir's gonna resume too. and here we go again. how i wish i had my passion for choir back. where did it go? don't get me wrong. i LOVE singing. and i think i show it (albeit abit too much), so much that the teachers actually think i love choir.and the weirdest thing is that my seniors are confuzzled by the fact that i ddin't run for comm. 

holyyyy. i'm goood~ maybe cos i sing as i do in SNChoir. nothing less. i sing my heart out, give the most soulful expressions only Roi can replicate and i just sing cos i love singing. 

but.
yes, but. when the last note is reached, when all 76 AC choristers phrase off, when the conductor puts her hands down. reality sinks back in. i don't seem to know the people i'm singing with. there're just, well. people. friends? a total facade. things get worse during breaks. when i've gotta literally force that laughter up my throat, that smile on my face. i'd rather risk sitting and eating alone than to have forced conversations. one that dies with that smile after a few words.

ah well. no choice. decided i'm gonna make the best outta my remaining 1 year there. not gna make it a torture every tues, wed and sat. 


i sing cos i'm an SNChorister. <3

Arrival

During our first few dates, we
scribbled our confessions on paper,

sending them like fast-forward
letters back and forth across the table.

Then you relented and taught me sign-
language, demonstrating how "like"

is the drawing forth of an invisible
string from the centre of your chest.

like a loosened thread, freed from
the constraining fabric of your body,

while "love" is the crossing of both arms
in an act of self-defence

and a warning. or simply that 'X"
which marks the point of arrival

upon the very treasure map of you.



-Cyril Wong

 wowww. it's been ages since i last posted. testimony to how busy/ not bothered i've been hahaha :) school's been good, my class rocks!! though the same can't be said about my CCA. but i shall not say anything here. half a year has passed. and i've gotta admit i'm kinda enjoying it here is AC. :) that's all that matters i hope :)

---

confusing? yes i know even baking a lovely chocolate cake can't help me sort out my feelings :( anyway it's good now that X's overseas. i can think properly. but seriously i doubt i'll come to any conclusion. hmm.. 

shall bake apple crumble tomorrow <3<3<3 

tomorrow's an awesome day cos sissy's coming back from hk :D shall see her stash of clothes >:) and X too. lollollol.

 

PHOTO MONTAGE :D




PUNISHMENT :O





idk why's the picture cut off. ah well nvm



OGAY. so it's pretty obvious which school i landed my butt in already. i'm trying to get over it. and love it like crazy. now i know what crying till you've got no more tears mean. and i totally regret doing that cos i went to school with such horrbly puffy eyes, i didn't know where to hide my face :(

cya later alligator~

 I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW. 

I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.

I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW.


I AM GOING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW??!!!!!!!!!

OHMYMAMA.
SCHOOL.HAHAAH AFTER SO LONG, I FORGOT HOW SCHOOL'S LIKE. 
I MISS THAT ROUTINE.
I THRIVE ON ROUTINES.
HAHAHA :D
SCHOOL HERE I COME BABEH~~

<3

 

wednesday will do just that.

R auds

 ( Don't click. )

ONE MORE THING:





<3

YAYY I JUST ATTAINED NIRVANA!!

COS I KNOW WHICH JC I'M GONNA GO TO

AND SPEND THE NEXT 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE LIVING IN AND MAKING NEW FRIENDS AND GOING CRAZY WITH

YAY!! :D

---

OPEN HOUSE SHOPPING WAS

TIRING.

FIRST STOP: HCJC!

the only reason why i went to hc's open house was cos i was bored and the goodie bag. hahaha yes imma true blue singaporean why cannot ah? :P saw like a whole bunch of st nicks people, as usual and some primary school friends, as usual. their ambienca was kinda cool! really 'one big family' kinda thing, but still if given a choice, it's R for me ^^

MARBLE SLAB CREAMERY <3 
then had a booth there selling @ 3 bucks/scoop. and since i was so HOT, i bought CHOCO SWISS <3 
haha i absolutely heart anything that has choco hehe ^^

THEN MADE OUR WAY TO ACJC!

walked from Buona Vista MRT to the school and it was FREAKING. HOT.
i wanted another scoop of that icy cold ICECREAM <3 but so sad don't have :(

ANYWAY, got 2 funky guys as our guides hahaha. 
frankly speaking i am really impressed with AC's culture! like it's so warm friendly and just so.. laidback.
cool. haha our guides are a bunch of monkeys la. hilarious. shitzzz
they asked, we told them we're from st nicks, and then they both had the same reaction!
like /eyes widen /mouth open /gives happy look and go 'OHHH!!! ST NICKS!! then /broad smile 

HAHAHA SO FARNEY I WANNA LAUGH.
(okay fine i did) 

THEN I REALISED GOING TO AC'S OPEN HOUSE WAS A BAD IDEA COS I GOT TORN BETWEEN AC AND NJ.
SHUCKS.

cos i've hardly heard anything good/exciting about njc/

-TODAY-

WENT TO NJC'S OPEN HOUSE :D

okay it didn't really start off well cos everything was so messy and it was so HOT and the SUN was shining like some crazy ass. :(
so i was abit :(

anyway things got better when we got a guide -Andrew i think. and he brought us to the LIBRARY which obviously has AIR CON <3 and so i became :D plus i saw A WHOLE BIG BUNCH OF MY P6 CLASSMATES (all guys lolz) 
haven't seen them in a MILLION YEARS. :o

haha and when our guide knew we were from st nicks (it's a brand already i swear) he kinda switched all his attention to us, answering all our questions ans explaining stuff to us etc hee :D
AWESOME ^^

hmm but i still think i'll need some time to love NJ's compound! though i know i will be able to do so cos my lovely friends
HUILIN CASSANDRA LYNETTE and many more (can't rmb all sorry) WILL BE GOING TO NJC! and not only that, but they'll be JOINING CHOIR TOOO!!! HURRAY ^^

---


JC LIFE HERE I COME <3

horrible horrible horrible.

how on earth did i manage to flunk my hcl.

genius.

now my odds of getting into rj has very much lessened.

hohoho. 

:(

---

anyway, top scorer's from our school again!!!! ^^ peiyun!! AND SHE'S FROM CHOIR TOO!! and like a hell lot of choir people made it to honour roll!! ^^ see choir girls are smart like crazy <3

oh and when they were announcing the honour roll, i clapped till my hands were red & damn painful. oww.


R? yes i still want you so badly, but i really don't know if i can make it..